I just spoke with a dear friend who called because someone close to her just received a breast cancer diagnosis.
And I immediately put myself back in that moment- that three-week long moment- when I was in a state of constant panic, suspended disbelief, and cognitive dissonance. “Uhhh! I have cancer!”, I’d realize. Again and again. How can the same thing surprise you, over and over again?
And then I’d muster up my energy and be as positive as possible when sharing the news. Because I didn’t want to make others uncomfortable. I’d joke around a lot (and still do, TBH) about “playing the cancer card” (let’s be clear, that card trumps them all- if you have it, play it).
Looking back, the first few weeks after getting my diagnosis were probably the hardest, emotionally. In addition to the ongoing surprise of having cancer- I mean, it’s so off-brand for me!- there was the additional anxiety of waiting for test results.
It’s like “you already know it’s bad, but now let’s play this game” where we look at aspects of your cancer, test you for them, and make you wait to hear how you measure up. And for extra fun, there will be a new message notification on your health care app after each blood test, biopsy, or scan. That way, the little red “1” can give you mini-panic moments throughout the day. How spicy!
And yet- you will get through this time. You will get to a time when you’re not in constant panic, or constant navigation of the healthcare system, or constant existential crisis.
Here are some things I found helpful:
Find an oncology therapist. My healthcare system has an oncology therapist who is amazing and only works with cancer patients. She’s caring and connected and right at the beginning helped me reduce my anxiety. I did this early on and I had to push for it and it was worth it.
Get moving. I took so many walks those first few weeks and they really helped me clear my head. And then I started walking while listening to Radical Remission by Kelly Turner, PhD and it helped me focus on the positive approaches I wanted to incorporate into this journey.
Find your support team. Two of my dearest friends took on making a meal train for my family, communicating with friends who lived elsewhere, and they have made sure to get me out on walks regularly, since the very beginning.
Talk to people who have been through it. I am eternally grateful for the three women I know who have been through breast cancer and the generosity with which they have shared their experiences. I have learned a ton from each of them about what to do, what to avoid, and how to advocate for myself. There are so many phases of treatment and you often don’t know what information or support you need until you hear it shared.
See if your system has an Oncology PCP (primary care provider). I switched from the regular PCP I had for 15 years to a doctor who understood the cancer landscape and helps me make sense of it every time we meet. I would not have known that this role was even a “thing” if it hadn’t been for my oncology therapist.
Get to know the Schedulers & Doctor’s Assistants. Taking control of your cancer journey is a whole job in and of itself. You’ll have your oncologist, your surgeon, a therapist, a nurse, navigator, a breast care team, and more. I found that most of the Schedulers and Doctor’s Assistants- who help you interface with your doctors or care team- start their day at 8:30 am, so I’d be sure to call at 8:31 am to get updates or confirm appointments. This will significantly reduce the amount of time you are waiting. There’s a lot of waiting built into this journey and the more I take control the better I feel.
Maintain your sense of humor. I found it really helpful to laugh, even ironically, at times. I even started a list of “Funny Shit People Say When You Have Cancer” just to create some levity (and will be doing a blog on that one soon). And my husband started sending me Daily Pig Content (DPC for short) because baby pigs are just too cute and funny.
Just put one foot in front of the other. I think this was the most helpful thing of all- the realization that “I am where I am” and no test result or worry can change what currently IS, so all I can do is focus on the next best thing to do. Move forward. Stepwise. As my therapist told me, “anxiety lives in the future.” So I try to understand what is coming soon and focus on the now. What do I currently have control over? And therefore, what is my next step? Sounds obvious, and maybe it is. But I hope you find a mantra that works for you in this moment.
