I thought it was the run. Simple. A run brings me joy.
Last week, my younger son and I decided to be accountability buddies for running. We’d head to Ocean Beach once a week to train. Our first session was a giant success- he felt great and so did I. While running, I started to think… “I’m back.” I felt a bubble of joy travel up my throat and nearly giggled while running.
It’s easy for me to get excited. I like thinking about possibility. It’s the “taking it easy” or employing restraint that is my challenge.
While my brain is excited to run and do ALL THE THINGS, I have to remember that I’m only 5 weeks out of a second surgery and also, my body is sort of falling apart.
Back tightness, hip pain, the beginnings of plantar fasciitis, and oh the JOINT PAIN. It’s like I’m a 50-something trapped inside a body with the joints of a 95 year old. Bah! Pain is so mundane.
But then- my smile is returning. The Bell’s Palsy is slowly but surely getting better. This brings me so much happiness I can overlook the “ow!” each time I put my left foot forward.
But I’m slowly discovering there are other physical things that are bringing me joy.
I’ve been using battle ropes with my trainer, Keir- and I love the feeling of trying the move. And then sort of getting it. And then actually getting it. It keeps me silly and trying and wanting more. Joy in the trying and the growing and the achievement.
And I’ve started using The Class- a platform with workouts and classes that engage the heart and mind. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself smiling while dancing or moving to the beat- this practice is special.
And a beach walk with friends, talking about our lives and what brings us joy. how to focus on it in our every day lives. We started a shared list of these things- which in and of itself brings me joy. I guess this is what people mean when they talk about “being present.”
And most interestingly, I’ve started paying attention to what joy feels like in my body:
It’s like suppressing a giggle.
It’s a warmth.
It’s seeing your kiddo happy or grateful.
It’s a well-timed meme from your partner.
It’s a poem that invites and resonates.
It’s a shared belly laugh with a friend you haven’t seen in a while.
It’s finding something funny in a very quiet room (this is my experience of church as a child)
It’s an eager peacefulness.
It’s surprise mixed with love and beauty.
I was recently meditating, and the guide reminded us to categorize thoughts as thinking or feeling, and then let them go. I had the thought that I was “getting really good at this meditation thing” and then immediately had the thought that “it was pretty funny that I was thinking about being good at not thinking.” That bubble of laughter that arose in the back of my throat is my favorite version of joy.
So I’m focusing on mitigating the pain, but I’m even more focused on experiencing the joy. It’s just more fun.
Battle rope view. Presidio Tunnel Tops.
Running with my kiddo, at Sunset Dunes. He left me in the dust and there’s joy in that, too.
Beach walk with friends, discussing joy. Ocean Beach.
Cardio Flush with The Class, so much joy. Smile returning!