Today started with literal rays of sunshine. There’s something about this time in San Francisco… Late August through October, when we start to see a hint of “real “summer it just makes it easier to joy (yes, I made that a verb).
I arrived at my personal training session to find golden light, illuminating the view of downtown and dancing off the Golden Gate Bridge and the Bay. Not too shabby a way to begin a workout.
The workout was great, as always, and I had my best breath work yet. It feels great to be feeling strong again.
It also feels great to have some weights lifted off my shoulders. The main milestone on my mind was a brain MRI. Because I developed Bell’s palsy soon after chemo and my surgery, there was a question about possible spread to the brain having impacted my cranial nerve. However my tissue expander from the first surgery contained a magnet and therefore excluded MRI as a possibility to exploring this. Now with my implant safely in, I could have the MRI to [hopefully] rule out any structural brain issue.
I had the MRI yesterday, and while driving home from it, got the “you have a new test result” notification. Heart racing. Internal monologue: Do I pull over and open this now? Am I ready? It is what it is, Lara. You’ll always just take the next best step. Knowing is better than not knowing.
Spoiler alert: my brain is normal. Yay!!!! And I had thought it would be, but the trauma response of this stuff is so real- you want to be positive and manifest a good result, and at the same time not set yourself up for disappointment (or worse, “jinx it”). So I’m smiling wide this morning- partially because the Bells Palsy is improving every week- and partially from sheer relief.
Another weight I’m making a conscious effort around is being back at work. I love what I do, and I’m so very glad to be back. AND I’m clear now that I need to ensure any work stress stays where it should- and that I focus on the real priorities. I think this will make me an even more effective leader. Cancer and this year’s journey has been a blessing of perspective.
My perspective now: things can only get better. (Cue Howard Jones)
Lovely light at this morning’s training session. (Presidio Tunnel Tops)