I’m already running late; I left the house with 13 minutes to get to the infusion center which a 15-18 min drive away. My husband jokes that I think everything in SF is 10 min away (he’s not wrong. What can I say, I’m a glass half full gal…)
Of course then I hit traffic along the way. And/but I had my 432 Hz frequency music playing, which audibly reminds me to breathe. It’s a cue to pause, remind myself “this is not urgent. People run late all the time.”
Then I arrived at Kaiser (the medical infusion center), and the parking garage was slammed. I circled multiple times to find a spot. “It is what it is, I’ll do the next best thing” I told myself. This mantra works for me in most stressful situations.
I stepped into the elevator and pressed 8 for the top floor. Others got in and pressed 2,3,4,5, and 7. Of course they did. I tried not to sigh aloud, but I might have. (Also: why do elevators have a “door close” button when it doesn’t help the doors close any faster?)
The 8th floor Infusion receptionist is one of my favorite people- she’s always so positive. “So sorry I’m late,” I apologized. “You’re here, and it’s a clean slate!” She said with a smile.
My infusion nurse greeted me and got me set up for my second last Herceptin dose. “I remember you,” she said. “You have a great port!” (I love chemo and cancer compliments; they’re so specific and appreciative. I was also recently told I “have great ears for a short haircut” which made me giggle).
Now it’s quiet, my infusion has started. And I’m sitting here thinking about the morning and how my perspective is starting to shift. Perspective and positivity were important to me a year ago, but they are now absolutely front and center in my life. They are not just things I wait for, or hope for, or value— they are things I employ. They are no longer nouns, they have been glued to a verb. There is a centeredness that comes from noticing when I actively interrupt my own patterns of stress and intentionally choose a calmer path.
Let’s be clear— no one will ever call me a calm person!— but it’s nice to notice another silver lining to this past year.
In the chair, and with a nice view today!
And done! ONE INFUSION LEFT!!!!