A week after my mastectomy, I got the great news that I had a pathological complete response (pCR) which means I am cancer-free. It’s amazing news, and I’ve been reflecting a lot on my journey to get to this point.
Besides the obvious challenges, one of the less visible impacts of having cancer is that you’re suddenly this patient TO WHOM things are happening. There is a significant loss of control over your own life and how you spend your time or make your decisions. You can feel like you are always waiting for the next thing to happen.
But there were times when I was able to wrestle some control of my “controllables” and make decisions that felt empowering for the moment or for my future. And while there’s no way to know exactly what combination of behaviors resulted in my particular pCR, I felt good about engaging in them as a beneficial practice. To be clear, a pCR is a GIFT from the universe, and/but these are some things that can make it more likely.
Quit Alcohol- I haven’t had a drink since the week before my diagnosis (7 months ago). Friends have asked if I’ll continue avoiding now that I’m cancer-free… and I’m pretty sure I’ll stay the course. I’m much more aware of all the things contributing to cancer and it doesn’t feel “worth it” to me. There are other things I’d rather relax my “rules” on. That said, no judgement- we all need to decide which things fall into the “never” or “occasionally” categories.
Record everything- whether you’re a paper person/notes app/google doc user, this is the time to start keeping notes. I jot down everything about my cancer. It started the day of my diagnosis- and I still do this. I record doctor and care team conversations, names and phone numbers of medical assistants, questions that arise for each provider, daily side effects, and more. And I refer back to these journals a lot, and it helps me feel like I’m on top of things and also advocate for myself with doctors.
Adopt Stricter Nutrition: if you search for cancer-free cooking or eating plans you’ll find lots of great information. I personally took most of what I learned and applied it; no added sugar, no red meat, very limited dairy, no white starches, lots of antioxidant veggie and fruits, and much more plant based proteins like lentils, chickpeas, and other beans. I would have defined myself as a healthy eater before cancer, but I can see and feel the difference these changes have made.
Strengthen Your Body: I experienced what felt like very antiquated messaging to cancer patients in chemotherapy and throughout the treatment journey- like “stay strong but don’t over exert yourself” and “take it easy and conserve energy.” Yes, chemo Is really difficult and creates so many side effects that get in the way of fitness. But I really learned to appreciate the maxim that “action precedes motivation” and found that every time I walked, worked out, or even stretched I felt better. I started working with a personal trainer who has helped me focus on breathwork, strength, and mobility (and other than the cancer, I am now getting back into the best shape of my life- thanks Keir & Foghorn Fitness!).
Focus on Sleep & Recovery: I’ve been obsessed with my sleep quality for years. And I had figured out a great regimen before my diagnosis. But the persistent anxiety and physical side effects of chemo wreak havoc on sleep, and I had to really regroup in a number of ways in order to recover during treatment. I upgraded my sleep hygiene; no screen time before bed, phone charged in living room at night, earlier dinners, cooler pajamas, weighted blanket, sleep mask, and ear plugs. Then I did a lot of advocacy and followup with my oncologist and primary care physician to ensure I had prescriptions that supported sleep. This is work in progress but probably impacts every area of my life- well worth obsessing over.
De-Stress Your Life: a few weeks into my diagnosis- before I even started chemotherapy- I heard someone talking about “dis-ease” and how the opposite is to “live with ease.” That really resonated and I started making a concerted effort to prioritize being ease-ful, and to not sweat the small stuff. I’ve revisited this idea over my treatment journey and built on it as an intentional practice. Studies show the detrimental long term consequences of stress, and being diagnosed with cancer feels like a wake-up call on this front.
Focus on Priorities: as a result of actively trying to live with ease, I also took the opportunity to think proactively about my personal values and priorities. Besides reactively removing stressors, what to I want my life to be proactively comprised of? For me, it’s learning, adventure, challenging myself, self-care, and creativity. I’m making a concerted effort to ensure my days, weeks, and months contain these things that bring me joy.
Accept Help: It sounds cliche to say, but this was (and is) a hard one for me. My friends and family have been incredibly generous in all ways and it’s hard to not feel indebted or needy. I’m used to doing things myself, or asking for help in a more planned, curated way. But that’s a luxury I no longer had, and it’s been such a beautiful blessing to feel the support and love from my community. It has made the last eight months bearable and at times, even joyful.
Get a Little Woo-Woo: After a cancer diagnosis, I found I was more open than ever to things I had previously considered “alternative.” I started really honestly practicing meditation (as opposed to going through the motions every now and then). I also took time to create a manifestation board, which houses my priorities and things that inspired me and my ultimate goal (pathological complete response). And I tried (and loved) sound baths and reiki sessions. All of these things lowered my stress levels and helped me feel empowered.
Take Your Time: There are points in the journey where time becomes an issue. When I was diagnosed, all the appointments and navigation felt like a part time job for a while, and acknowledgement of that felt important to normalize. Then midway through chemo, I realized it was starting to take longer for me to recover from each round. I had been working but taking a few days off after each infusion- and finally made the decision to take a leave of absence to focus on recovery. My supervisor and CEO and work colleagues were incredibly supportive. And between each phase (chemo, surgery, reconstruction) I’m finding myself getting impatient to be recovered- once again I need to allow myself time heal and process the experience.
I’m sure there will be more learnings along the way, but that’s it for now.